Love and Respect changes everything

Within six months of marriage I knew what I needed out of our relationship was different than what my wife needed but I didn’t know how to express it. As years went by and we shared our home with teenagers it became ever more apparent that RESPECT was like an oasis in the middle of the desert and the absence of it was a burden too heavy for me to carry. The well-meaning “adult” that told my children that “respect is earned” either didn’t take time study the Bible on his own or never questioned the way he was taught for this teaching is prevalent in our homes, schools, and even churches. Ephesians 5:33 tells God’s command to both husbands and wives and when they marry they enter into an agreement with God but it is not dependent upon the other one’s ability to earn it. “So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” What’s being said, in case you missed it, is that the husband must have unconditional love for his wife and the wife must have unconditional respect for her husband – both being wired to receive God’s wonderful gift from the other one in this primary and unique way.

When we teach that love is to be unconditional but respect is to be earned it drains the husband of his God-given ability and/or desire to do anything for his wife or children because disrespect is seen as contempt but it does more than just that the husband is taken to into deep, dark place that no one else knows about and with one fell swoop the enemy of God has made his move against each one in the family. However, when respect is given unconditionally it causes something inside the husband to come alive. It’s the very same thing that makes a soldier willing to die for his friends – nothing is impossible or cost too much! “Mary tell me that you want the moon and I’ll lasso it and bring it down to you.” George Bailey could do anything for Mary because she honored him and in return he loved her. More than ever before the old movie “It’s A Wonderful Life” had real meaning to me this Christmas as God prepared me for this message, thanks Malachi.

I believe the wife has the ability to build her husband up to be the man God intended but she also has the ability to cut his legs out from under him and the sad thing is unless she also hears this message with her heart she won’t even realize it… she only knows that her husband isn’t loving her the way she needs to be loved. So who goes first? Which one is the more mature?

The following is an excerpt from the book I’ve been reading Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs