Like a warning light the things you say indicate the condition of the heart and if the wound is not addressed and dealt with it will continue to speak for you. Things will come across your own lips that astound even you and you will wonder why you are so easily frustrated. It is so easy to down play things that hurt our hearts, “it’s no big deal” or “she has issues” or maybe “he’s being a jerk”. We know these things shouldn’t bother us so we act like it doesn’t and maybe it’s possible for some not to be bothered by them, though I suspect by means of self-preservation they disconnect from their feeling so that seemingly trivial things simply shed off “like water on a duck’s back” but for those who find it difficult to separate themselves from the barrage to the heart the longer these things are not addressed the more sensitive you become, until one day you look in the mirror and realize your life is defined by the frustration you have allowed to control your actions.
I love my wife dearly and would do anything for her but many times I have foresight (often through prayer) about a situation and I ask her to do something differently before it becomes an issue, she’ll appear to listen then go about doing whatever she was doing before as if I said nothing at all. Of course some ill comes of it that not only impacts other people but bad circumstances compound causing the hole to be deeper than before, confirming what I previously felt and the wound is set. If this happened once or twice no big deal, I would assume I didn’t make myself clear or she was distracted or maybe didn’t understand the weight of what I was saying but when it is a regular occurrence and I don’t address the issue of her not listening when I speak to her from my heart strange things start to come out of my mouth – that is the wound speaking!
I don’t want the wound to speak for me any longer I want to lead her as Christ leads me. This is but one example of how the heart is wounded. Wounds can come from work, friendships, church, basically anytime other people are involved the heart is vulnerable. Though it sounds like God may have made a mistake, what we fail to see is that this is by design. Through relationships with others we have the opportunity to mimic Christ’s example, in a small way we are able to give away freely what was given to us and it is by this means we are brought through the fire and refined. Will we trust God to protect our hearts while we go about doing the work He has given us to do or will we withdraw in a frail attempt to protect our own human hearts?
Most who know me know I love to ride my motorcycle, secretly sometimes I just need to get away from everything which explains the chopper style Victory Vegas, it was good for a passenger only if you were going a couple blocks but what if I allowed God to take the wound and cause strength to grow in its place? Recently God has placed a few people in my life that brought some of these things to light in my life and from unexpected places such as work and family who live in another state and some from a church that I don’t go to but many years ago worked for. As each person spoke to me it confirmed what God has been saying for a long time. Yes I have been brought to a place where change is staring me in the eye. Things have been unbelievably difficult and I’ve come close to losing a great many things God has provided but one thing has remained – His love for me and His strength to grow instead of wither and die! It’s amazing how well you can hear God’s small still voice when everything else is stripped away. There is a song that talks about choking on the gifts the world gives and I realize these “gifts” of the world is like being in a very large crowd, wanting to get to someone you can see on the other side but unable to get there because of all the people going the other direction. Likewise I’ve been able to see God and my spirit wants to get closer but stuff I’ve surrounded myself with has become a strong current that leads my flesh in the opposite direction and my spirit has been weak and unable to make progress.
As I wrote yesterday I now feel I am in a time of God’s favor, the decision has been made to let go of certain things and cling to others and I am at rest. No doubt God is preparing me for the work ahead but I have learned something of great value – the importance of listening and somehow I need to win the heart of my wife so we can continue to learning this lesson together. God’s blessings are great and what He has been doing inside of me is amazing! There are even outward tokens of the inward change – one being I have a good career that could have been jeopardized but God said, “No” and the enemy had to flee. I now pray that I will be a blessing to my employer and to those I work with, as to be an ambassador of God’s great love and so that I may continue to bless and lead my family. God is also healing old wounds as I recently addressed them with someone very special to me – my daughter and I see a green shoot sprouting up in our relationship, a place that was once barren and dry. There are many more wounds that need to be addressed and as God leads I pray that I am faithful to follow and reveal my still sensitive heart. Oh, one more thing the Vegas is gone and in its place is a bike that’s made for two and Gloria is excited about riding with me! God is good, may my heart and mind remember all that He has done and may my spirit continue to find His strength so that I may keep Him first in all things, effectively rowing up stream. The battle will not be won all at once and sometimes growth will be slow to come but the key is keeping my eyes on the One who makes all things possible.
(Galatians 6:9 TNIV) Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
