Again I say, don't get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people's hearts, and they will learn the truth. Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil's trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants.
(2 Timothy 2:23-26 NLT)
Do you have a difficult person in your life? Is that person someone you cannot get away from such as a coworker, business partner, family member, spouse, or teen? A difficult person you can avoid is one thing but when you have to see him or her every day it can push your ability to tolerate difficult situations to the limit. You actually begin to lose your ability to start fresh with that person each day but instead their stubborn persistence wears on you until you become hyper-sensitive to the point even the slightest thing wrong becomes a test of your will and self-control. I have been there and several times I have been told by those closest to me “don’t sweat the small stuff” and it works temporarily because it helps refocus your thoughts and priorities but the more room you seem to give the more they take until you feel your back in the corner. It’s only been recently that I’ve learned to combat this situation. How, you ask? With genuine, pure love that does not come from within me but my Heavenly Father from above. This is what Paul is telling Timothy when says be kind and be able to teach and be patient with difficult people. For Paul knew there would be people in the church that would try to persuade others to follow the wrong path and that Timothy would do himself no favors by having what Paul called “ignorant arguments”.
My ability to cope was tied directly to my ability to control the situation and when I could not do that I began to unravel but God says, “No”. It has nothing to do with my ability to control but to see that God is in charge and the only person I can control is I. To keep my focus on Jesus, not the difficult person who is making my life miserable is my only responsibility. In the end if I do what I know is right, look to Jesus as my source of hope and strength, and allow Jesus to love that person through me He can and will change them and the unexpected thing is that I change too. As much as I want to see them change the outcome is not mine to own, for they belong to The Master and I am but His vessel. Show God’s love (1 Corinthians 13), pray, and be willing to be obedient to the leading of God’s Holy Spirit and you will have the person you are longing for, it won’t happen overnight, as a matter of fact as you love them you will be accused of not playing fair because they are used to you arguing as you have always done but that is only evidence real change is coming. While this change is happening in your relationship with this person there will also be a change inside of you. There will still be moments when you want to argue but don’t give in. When things are at their worst tell that person, “I love you” and watch what happens. It doesn’t matter that you are the person with authority or if that’s how it was done when you were the one learning, you have to let go of your right to be right for the sake of the other person. If they are in the devil’s trap as Paul said and you ever loved that person what would you be willing to give up in order to rescue them? You’ve tried to reason with them and it has failed and continuing to do the same thing over expecting different results is the definition of insanity, it is time to lay this burden down and stop getting in the way of real victory, which only comes through the power of Jesus blood and resurrection.
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.
(Proverbs 15:1 NLT)
