I’ve made a discovery this week about myself but only because I believe my spirit heard the Lord speaking in that small still voice (1Kings 19:12). Most of you don’t know this about me but I am a perfectionist and though I was much worse in my youth parts of it remain even today. That doesn’t work out well for me being just a man, as I am broken and often I struggle with my lack but God’s Word tells me that is why He sent His son Jesus to die and that’s a good thing, still I struggle. If I could step back far enough I would see my life do something like this – God places a dream in my heart, I am awakened to it and move passionately towards the fulfillment of it, the enemy attacks, and I miss the mark. It is at that moment I come to a fork in the road and often I become distracted from God’s purpose. I am now forty; soon to be forty-one but I still remember a song from my teen years. It was by a group called Harvest and though I don’t remember the title I do remember the chorus. “Are we walking into the enemy’s camp laying our weapons down, shedding our armor as we go and leaven it on the ground? We’ve got to be strong in the power of His might to prove to the enemy that we are the army of the Lord and we’ve won the victory!”
Examining the situation now I’m left asking myself why is the enemy allowed to attack while the dream is still tender within me? God says, “Because child I have called you by name and have prepared you for such a time. This battle is yours and though I am with you, just like I was with David as he faced Goliath, it is your feet that must step onto the field.” My childhood has been catching up with me (read perfectionist), as I walk onto the battlefield I stub my toe then I become so disheartened that I begin to shed my armor but God all along has been calling me to stand and keep moving forward. I have been forgetting something very important. It is not about how prepared I am, though that is important, it’s all about me getting out of the way and letting God have His way through me. David was just a shepherd boy without training for battle yet the God of all splendor had prepared him for a purpose beyond what David understood at the time and though it was David’s hand that delivered the fatal blow to the giant before him it was the God of Israel that was bringing deliverance to His people! Still David didn’t stand a chance had he faced Goliath on his own. How many times do we face giants on our own strength? I don’t know about you but it never works out well for me. In my mind I can see only a few moves ahead, how this victory would bless those around me but God has a purpose beyond my comprehension! The more I allow God to use me the more I become what I could not be on my own.
God, you are glorious, who is like you! I am amazed and humbled that I get to be part of your plan. You know me intimately and see each move I make still you say that I am yours! Could it be that my efforts limit what you want to do through me? Though it seems my plans would work out well I acknowledge that I do not know the way. Holy Father, I ask you now to consume me and lead me unto righteousness, for your glory. For your kingdom illuminates the darkness and has no end! As I am here with you my heart is overwhelmed with joy, the world outside fades away, and your peace surrounds me. Lord, I don’t ever want to leave this place but I know there is a battle raging and my heart is at stake not only that but the hearts of my children and wife and those I don’t even know. Because You have allowed me to hear your voice I ask that You strengthen me now and when I take that step onto the battlefield it would not be mine but Yours. In Jesus’ name, amen.
