A dark valley

I know many have wondered what’s going on with me not writing and sharing what God is doing in my life the past couple of months. I believe there are many reasons but only a few of them I am aware of at this time. Behind the most relevant reason is the ideal that from the beginning of me keeping a journal, which was late 2009, each time I sat down at my desk to write I sensed God’s presence and His Holy Spirit leading me but early this year I heard God say gently and almost understated, “A test is coming your way.” I remember thinking to myself okay some trial will be here soon, God has faithfully led me this far, I know right from wrong surely this is an opportunity to prove how much I love God. I did not know the test would be that for a period of two months I wouldn’t feel His presence or leading! With no compelling force bringing me to His table each morning what was revealed were the things that was keeping me from growing in Christ Jesus, the things that my flesh craved. Surprisingly it’s not what you think I simply didn’t come to Christ as I did previously; though I continued to pray for this short period I wasn’t hungry or desperate for Him I just felt drained, which led to lack of purpose, which ultimately led to despair. I know this thought pattern was more than just my flesh being self-serving by getting up later or allowing other things to take that place with God each morning because of where it led me. I started feeling like everyone was against me and the more I felt this way the more I wanted to retreat, I even started to plan how to make it happen but fortunately God had other plans for me. My thought life began to race and it headed straight down like after coming up the long first hill of a roller coaster but something which looked almost unrelated happened. My diet and health started to decline and I started seeing real warning signs that if I didn’t do something to change I believe my life span would have been greatly impacted and seemingly unrelated as well God brought someone across my path who is not even a believer but was used by God to begin speaking to me about eating healthier. Since then my thought life has become noticeably brighter, I’m thinking more clearly, I have purpose once again, I’ve even lost some unwanted weight but the best thing is that I’ve heard God’s call to come to His table and rest with Him once again.  

I’m not sure the test is over or how much I’ll be writing but I do know I’ve made it past one of, if not the lowest part of this valley. I also know journaling about what God is doing in my life is part of who I am and that will continue but it will be in His time. I pray that the Lord our God blesses you in this time as well and no matter if it is on mountain tops or in valleys where it’s hard to get a glimpse of the Son at times know that His eye is upon you and His staff will protect you. For only God knows the purpose of these types of tests and we know if He calls us to it there is a reason. You see we were not there when God’s story began and the end has not yet come all we know is a very short time in the middle of His book. Only God knows what is needed and when, who is man that he should think the ways of God are obtainable? This one thing I know God is good at all times regardless of what circumstance look like, trust in Him now and when this race is run you will have no regrets.